Monday, April 11, 2011

More Recent with Norm as a Man in Love

Not long ago I was a married man but now nothing will hold me down for the life I enjoy. I was a loving man and tried to help my wife when she was pregnant but my actions somehow bit me in the rear. That woman wouldn't appreciate it if a $40 rib eye hit her on the forehead for a free meal. Take for instance when she was pregnant. I wanted to take her on a nice vacation where we could relax before having the baby. To remember our trip and make something for our future son I wanted her to get a tattoo. She flipped and practically went home without me. I didn't understand that woman. No appreciation for me at all.

Later on during the pregnancy I was trying to save us some money so we could buy ourselves a nice hot tub. A hot tub would get so much use for many years. Instead she constantly wanted to spend money on maternity clothes. It wasn't a smart thing for us to be buying since I wanted a hot tub. Surely a hot tub would get more use than a month or two of maternity clothes. What's wrong with wearing a few of my over sized tshirts. I thought she looked sexy in the but she thought otherwise. I thought we were going to part ways for that suggestion.

Not long before the baby was born I had to begin putting in lots of hours helping my buddy build his man cave. Since I wasn't around the house much I had asked if my wife would mind preparing dinners and get some future dinners prepared for when she couldn't stand on her feet as long. I normally cooked and didn't mine cooking except that I was helping Herbert work on his spare room. She never did cook those meals and we all had to eat more Cracker Barrell.

Finally, the day was nearing for the baby to be born. Along with everything else, we couldn't agree on much and a baby name was one of those. She liked names like Jacob, Michael, Joshua and other horribly gay names like that. I thought they were trash but she loved them. This resulted in us never agreeing on a name. It was tough to think of ways to convince her to change it but I finally found a way to permentaly name our baby whatever I wanted. She never did like it but she finally got used to but she still threatens to change it to this day.

Disclaimer: She wasn't actually my wife we had always agreed to get married after the child. It was easier to call her my wife since we had this agreement. We eventually married for a short time.


  1. Dude, I had a smile on my face for a whole week after you got rid of that witch. I remember calling your house and her answering the phone with a loud sigh when she found out it was me on the other end. What the heck were you thinking?! LOL!

    My ex acted the same way when she was pregnant. The inability to rationalize must be one of the many "side effects" they always complain about.

  2. Women are only good for two things - cooking and satisfaction. That's why I married an old lady 27 years my senior, no kids to worry about, she can cook like my grandmother, and she can still manuver around if you know what I mean!

  3. So glad to hear you are available, Norm!