The Long Road Home with Floyd

Goood Mooooooorning Vietnaaaaaaam! Its good to see you blogger friends! I apologize for being away from you for so long. Its been a very busy week. Since the arrest, my mom has been making me do all kinds of chores and errands for her. Not fun at all! The worst part was being away from my blogger friends and duelboard friends for so long.

Where to begin......lets see....... Well after we were FINALLY released from jail on a Thursday morning, Norm and I had to figure out how to get home. We had our tickets revoked or whatever so the only choices were to take a train or rent a car. Renting a car was obviously the right choice because we figured we could have ourselves some fun on the way home. We picked up a nice little Nissan Sentra and we were on our way.

We didn't last long before our stomach's began to call to us. We decided to go ahead and stop in Wilmington for an early afternoon snack at Casey's Country Buffet. Let me tell you, this place was off the chain. Good barbecue and everything else you can think of. Norm even tried the pig's feet! What an idiot! I wouldn't do it though. After loosening our belts a little and dropping some kids off at the pool we proceeded on our journey. Norm wanted to drive and dang that boy can boogie. He got that little compact car up to 100 on I-95 and I thought the wheels were going to fall off. I fell asleep at that point and when I woke up it was dark and we were in Richmond VA and then I saw one of my favorite sites. Thats right, the glowing red apple of the Applebees sign. We were both still full from our afternoon snack but we couldn't pass this up. Norm had the sizzling bacon chicken cheese platter and I had the ultimate appetizer combo. We ate it all and it was absolutely heavenly and our beautiful waitress Heather never let our margaritas go empty.

We were feeling good by the time we finally left Applebee's but it was starting to get late. I barely managed to drive us to DC in one piece. I kept falling asleep at the wheel. It was hard to decide which motel to stay at but Norm helped me out and we are able to stay at a very nice Holiday Inn Express. After unloading our bags we decided that this party should keep going so we asked the nice concierge where the nicest gentleman's club was. She seemed uncomfortable but googled it anyway and before you know it we were putting our sports coats on and making our way to The Stadium Club.

The Stadium Club way by far the nicest gentlemen's club I've ever been to. I wish Donnie could've been there, he would've loved it. The girls were absolutely beautiful. We sat down, ordered a few drinks and were soon surrounded by so many goddesses that I almost passed out. We were pouring champagne and dancing like there was no tomorrow and...thats the last thing I really remember. The rest was a blur. I must have gotten too caught up in it all. Norm said that we got kicked out shortly after that because I kept trying to kiss and hold a girl named Cassidy (who WAS very hott). He said that the straw that broke the camel's back was when I tried to take a picture of her.

I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover EVER but that crazy Norm had already gone for a morning run. I don't see how he does it. We packed our stuff into the Sentra and continued on our quest. Friday morning we stopped at a hole in the wall diner in Baltimore to eat breakfast. That jerk  Norm double dared me to order scrapple. Not knowing what it is, I did. I thought it was okay until he told me. Its apparently pig in a blender that they put into loaf form and fry. He was laughing so hard that I wanted to knock his block off. After that we went on to Philly and we stopped at Tony Luke's to get Philly Cheesesteaks for lunch and went to see the Liberty Bell because I'd never seen it before. Norm was right, what a let down. Its just a bell with a crack in it. Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting. The cheesesteaks are great but i don't really see what the big deal is with Philly.

Anyways, after that we just drove into NYC and then to my mom's house on Long Island. Since we were so tired, I invited Norm to stay the night which he gladly accepted. That night we had a blast in NYC but I'll save that for another blog post. See below for pictures of our awesome trip!

 Here is the pimp-mobile. Norm seemed embarrassed to be seen in it but I thought it was nice.

 The sign for the delicious Casey's Buffet in Wilmington. I made some crack about Norm's mom having the same "More Parking In Rear" sign. He didn't find it funny. LOL.

 Heather, the best dang Applebee's waitress EVER. This beauty gave Norm and me a free drink! Norm got her number but that son of a gun lost it!

 The jerk of a bouncer wouldn't let us leave the Gentleman's club until we deleted all pictures that we took there off our camera. The angel of a dancer, Cassidy looked a lot like a slightly uglier Catherine Zeta Jones.

 My faithful friend Norm took hold of the opportunity to snap a shot of me after I left the club. Thanks a lot buddy!

I had such a great time on our trip but I was so happy to see this sign to know I was home. I think I made Norm mad when I stopped the car to kiss the ground because he was too grumpy to take a picture of me doing it. ROFL.

Trash Talk with Donnie: 1992 Nissan D21

Here is one of my beloved vehicles – a 1992 Nissan Pickup (formal name is D21) 4x4. It’s got right at 223,000 miles. Almost a quarter of a million and she runs like a top! Anyway, last winter I picked up this little gem for $300, trailered it home, and after a few hundred bucks in parts it was back on the road. Later in the year I had lower ball joints installed and an alignment, bringing the total invested in the truck to $1,300 including the purchase price.

You’ll notice an old camper top on the Nissan that I picked up for $50. A few months later I sold it for $100!

Also you’ll see a set of steel wheels from a late 90s Toyota PreRunner that I picked up for free about an hour away. Some idiot just decided to give these wheels and tires away because he wanted some of those 20” ugly rims with the thin tires. What a moron.

Total Pick: $350
Invested: $1000
Value: $1800 to $2000

Rook Tournament with Norm

Wednesday came quicker than a whistle from a policeman directing traffic at a local elementary school. Before I knew it my flight was leaving Portland and heading to the New York City. In the past I've flown through the Big Apple but never gotten off. That would be foolish for me fly there since it's not that bad of a drive. It was a short flight but I did get Ultra Lite. Cost me $7 but it was a much needed wake up call. Earlier my alarm clock barely woke me up 45 minutes after my original wake up time. Guess the excitement was getting to me.

Made it to the New York City LaGuardia and waited on Floyd so we could catch the next flight to Myrtle Beach. Since the flight times changed and I had a longer lay over he met me earlier so we could plan our major weekend. Luckily they had a bar in the airport so we met at the Jet Rock Bar & Grill. Those guys had every beer on tap! We had a stunning waitress and she never let my drink empty. Think her name was Jessica. Beautiful blonde. She wouldn't let me take her picture though. Anyways, Floyd and I probably had a few too many drinks. It was good to catch up. That fool knows how to drink.

[If anyone knows why the Duelboard is banned at LaGuardia please comment below. I kept getting a banned message whenever I would log on from my laptop. It cost me $15 to use the internet and then LaGuardia customer service wouldn't refund me my money.]

Not sure how we made it to our gate on time but we did. Somehow I even managed to sit in the correct seat on the airplane. Floyd was two rows in front of me. Not sure if it was because he stunk so bad like a drunk or if it was him constantly turning around to yell at me that made everyone so mad. Finally, I went nearer to him and sat on the floor. The plane waitress kept telling me to move but stubborn me sat indian style next to Floyd. If I were to move he probably would have started yelling again. At least that's how I remember it. Next thing I know I'm laying on my stomach with some twist ties around my wrists. Some guy dressed in a ball cap and t-shirt wouldn't take his knee out of my back.

Myrtle Beach holding cell wasn't too trashy. Some guy named Tanner was in for public indecency. Floyd and I were booked for Public Intoxication. Bail on each of us was set at $550.

With our return flight tickets revoked, Floyd and I decided to hit the road for the long drive since he had to be back in New York. Much thanks goes to Longbay Resort for letting us out of our rooms on such short notice. Bruce, if you ever read this. Thanks for your hospitality.

Jet Rock Bar is where Floyd and I tried roughly 1/3 of their beers on tap. They have 48!!

Caught this TSA Officer working hard!

Had to stand up on a chair to get this shot of all the people.

Took this picture on the way out of South Carolina. This is for all my Duelboard buddies I missed.

Trash Talk With Donnie: Knobs

Every one of my washers and dryers have broken or missing knobs. I'm always trying to find replacement knobs so me and the old lady can quit using vice grips to change the settings. Tonight I hit the mother load.



I was driving over to the filling station to pick up some dessert that the old ball and chain was crying about. She can't get enough of those dang Big Texas Cinnamon Rolls so I picked us up 2 each for the night. On the way in my 1968 4 door Chevelle, I spotted a washer, stove, and TV on the side of the road. I would have gotten all three items, but nothing would fit in the trunk. I grabbed the three knobs and went on to the gas station. By the time I got home and got the truck the stuff was gone. Oh well, all the knobs are now being used and it didn't cost a dime!

Picked: $0
Value: $7.50 + shipping

My Mom Crushed My Dreams AGAIN

Good morning world of blogs, I've had a terrible morning so far. As you can tell from my last post, I have been so excited for the royal wedding for at least the past week. After all of that anticipation and excitement, my hopes were crushed. Last night I tried to stay up the entire night to watch the wedding but the last thing I remember is looking at the clock and seeing it was 10:45. But wait! I thought ahead and made some arrangements just in case. Thinking that I might not make it to the wedding, I decided to set my VCR to record it. Well, at around 7:00 this morning I woke up feeling like a kid on Christmas morning. I gleefully ran to the tv, hit rewind, then play. It was a tape I made of the Incredible Hulk in the early 80's. Knowing that I set it to record, I was absolutely livid so I naturally asked my mom if she knew what happened. She said she rolled into the den at around 11:30 to find me asleep and the TV and VCR on so she turned them off! I had already told her at supper that I was recording the wedding!!! What was she thinking? She tries to booby trap everything I do in life.

Anyway, this brings me to another point. What caused this problem (other than dementia) was TIME DIFFERENCE. Why do we even have a time difference? I know it has to do with how the sun revolves around the earth or whatever but what does it really matter? Its always a pain when planning road trips and I'm sure it sucks planning trips overseas to deal with time difference. If they would have had the wedding at 11:00 eastern then I would have been up and ready to watch. Why don't we just have one main time for the entire planet? Just think of all the problems that would solve. I say the next time its 12:00 noon eastern time we just change over the clocks of the world to that time also. I know what you're thinking and no I'm not an idiot. I realize that this would make noon on the other side of the world midnight but they would get used to it over time like everybody would. Everybody that reads this, please call your local city hall, senator, constable or whatever and ask to put this new system in place.

Princess Kate Winslet, if you every read this, know that I just saw pictures of you in your wedding gown and you were absolutely stunning. I deeply regret that I wasn't able to see you walk down the aisle live or even pre-recorded. Whenever I decide to settle down and get married, I will be looking for a wife thats as beautiful as you or maybe even more beautiful. Long Live the Queen!

Poker Night with Norm

Last night me and some of the local guys had our monthly poker night. A lot of people showed up. More than last month, that's for sure. Danny said he knew some younger college boys that loved poker and weren't very good. He invited them over in hopes we could cash in their bad play. Our plan was to take advantage of these boys and swipe all their cash.

The night started out slow. There were only 5 of us playing and then Danny showed up with those college kids he promised. There were about 10 of them. That made us 15 strong on poker players. The buy in was $45 and we played a little Texas Hold'em all night long. Since we weren't expecting such a large crowd we had to use local items as poker chips. A few of my Hershey kisses got eaten in stressful game plays. Hell, if I would have noticed I wouldn't have lost myself $8.

Around 10:30 a few of the college guy's friends that were girls showed up. That's a first for our poker night. My thoughts were "cha-ching", we'll mop floor with these girls who know nothing about poker. Boy was I fooled. They raked in so many chips in their first hour. I couldn't take it anymore because I had already bought in 3 times by 11:00. My funds were running dry so I called it quits.

When 11:30 rolled around the girls left and I bought in again for the 4th time that night. Danny wiped floor with me and I only lasted till 12:15. Overall the poker night was a lot of fun and I can't wait till next month. I'm going to win my $180 back in no time.

Jerry in the front left was getting wiped by that college kid next to him. That dummy knows nothing about poker. HAHA.

This was the second table for the night. The fools that don't know how to play get to play at the small coffee table.

Poker girls. It was so hard to get their picture.

Danny had some nice cards. The fool wiped floor with us.

Big dummy, James, broke his ankle last week trying to rollerblade. That fool will never learn. Also, he lost $80 to one of Danny's college kids.

Those Brits Get to Have ALL the Fun

Many people are so sick of all the coverage that royal wedding is getting lately. Not me, I love it and I'm so jealous of Britain's ability to look forward to, celebrate, and be proud of something of this magnitude. It makes me quite depressed but I still wish Prince William and Kate Winslet the best in their future endeavors. Why don't we have anything like this in the States? We need something as regal and elegant as a royal family. I don't know about the rest of you but democracy has been overrated lately. I think it would be best to start a monarchy of our own. Maybe we should use Ancestry.com to see what American family has the most royal blood running through their veins and give them control of the country. I think having an American royal family would do a whole lot of good for our self image and the way the rest of the world views us.

Also, why in the world is the wedding airing at 3:00 in the morning here!? I can't wake up that early if I tried! Come on! Guess I'll have to tape it.

Long Live the Queen!

Duelboard with Norm

Recently my favorite new favorite place in the world, Duelboard Rook, decided it was best that I not show up for a while. They gave me a temporary break from chatting with my new friends and family in the Rook Chatbox. It wasn't a neccesary break on my part but it did do me good. I was able to find myself and do things I haven't had time for since Duelboard was occupying my daily free time. My buddy Rick and I went camping in Vermont. I also was able to trim some limbs in the yard, paint some columns on the porch, take the bags of plastic bottles to the recycling center, and clean out the dog pen. These were benificial things to me that I have been meaning to get to.

It is a very rewarding feeling to know that I am finally allowed back into the Duelboard Rook game. I can catch up with my friends and discover new things going on in their lives. Not all are so welcoming but I know deep down they really did miss me. I missed them and their funny sayings.

I love you Duelboard!!

Travel with Norm

Got my ticket to Paradise today!

Flying to Myrtle Beach for the annual Duelboard Rook Tournament on May 5th - 8th. This should be a real gas. Looking forward to seeing some of my new friends I've met on the Rook chatroom. Floyd and I are going to rock that place.

My flight begins in Portland, my home. I then fly to New York where Floyd and I will catch a connecting flight to South Carolina, the home of Paradise.

Not sure what kind of car we'll be renting but I was thinking along the lines of a convertable Sebring. I'd look hot in that fine automobile.